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A young child assimilates the facts of life as presented . It is very important to tell the truth and not postpone this task. You can tell the child things as they are, in simple and without many details . He himself, as it matures, ask what you want to know and be able to understand. Again on the subject, and you need to assimilate the news step by step, according to their level of understanding. But never think that they have not told the truth, what is basic their confidence in parents and their self-confidence.
I had my son since he was 7 months, from 2 years, very occasionally, I read stories about adoption that I got in the MIMDES, which is about how a family got together with his long-awaited son. When he and I went to preschool and was 3, took advantage of some of their concerns and told that he had not left my tummy but the belly of another woman, told her that he had left the love of my heart and the his dad. At that age he did not care and I had few questions like if I had left the belly of the grandmother, I said yes and he turned to mention that he had left the belly of another woman, that sometimes it is, that although all the babies out of the belly of a woman, some women do not stay with her baby because God decides that her mother will be another person. When she told stories, he said "mom and told me that several times, no one can tell me." There I realized that I had understood and he was boring to tell him something he already knew.
I had my son since he was 7 months, from 2 years, very occasionally, I read stories about adoption that I got in the MIMDES, which is about how a family got together with his long-awaited son. When he and I went to preschool and was 3, took advantage of some of their concerns and told that he had not left my tummy but the belly of another woman, told her that he had left the love of my heart and the his dad. At that age he did not care and I had few questions like if I had left the belly of the grandmother, I said yes and he turned to mention that he had left the belly of another woman, that sometimes it is, that although all the babies out of the belly of a woman, some women do not stay with her baby because God decides that her mother will be another person. When she told stories, he said "mom and told me that several times, no one can tell me." There I realized that I had understood and he was boring to tell him something he already knew.
When my son was almost 4 years, began the process to meet our daughter, and lived through the adoption process, I wondered, "and my sister will be born or still be in the belly of another woman? .. and desire to be here! when will we will go for it ?...". And the nights I prayed and asked God that his sister is well and that soon we can be with her.
Since July 2010 I have my daughter and her brother is happy, and as you can realize .. if it speaks the truth from the beginning, need not be a problem later disappointments.
If you still can not bring yourself to tell the truth, do it as soon as possible, show and tell as soon convinced possible so that it will assimilate.
people more confident that this world must be parents, and if you as a parent, you lie to your child, how do you think he will feel then, when you know people in her most trusted, were deceiving him for years. Do not pass this bad time, tell the truth as he or she can understand you.
is likely that when my children are older ones, want to touch the subject, and I have no problem talking to and tell the truth with love, everything they ask me. If one day your kids want you to help them find their biological origins, as help them, put in place, try to feel what they might be feeling. Do not be afraid thinking it will go or will you stop loving, because eventually we all build our homes to build a new family at some point. Love is not going to go, especially if you always spoke the truth and the best intentions.
Some adoptive parents suffer at the thought of the day you have to speak clearly to the child, believing that the truth will be traumatic for him. They should know that fact will be accepted by the small in the most natural, if you communicate early.
When he was adopted?
Three years is a good time. At this age ask about everything: where they come from, who brought the world ... This gives us the opportunity to reveal their origin, spontaneously and without mysteries. "We were sad because we had little children and then we found you. From that moment we are very happy. "
Sometimes adoptive parents think that telling their young children who are adopted, they will cause great pain and frustration. Indeed, the problems increase as the revelation is delayed. On the other hand, is a utopia to think that if you omit this information, the child does not get wind. And if you find a third person, you can create a circle of distrust, even to think that love and affection she has won the time is part of the lie that has been living.
When the child begins to ask where it comes from or who brought the world, you must factly answer and tell the truth. Remember that the smaller child , internalize this feeling better and more familiar with the word adoption.
How to tell which is adopted ?
I told him that was born in the belly of a woman because my tummy was sick and he could not get out, so: ".. I asked God to make to meet you and you'd just left the belly of another woman who could not have you, and God made us that we meet to form a happy family .. ". I transmitted you how happy we had made his arrival and showed videos and photos of the time, laughs, jokes and kisses.
normal your child will be adopted have many questions such as: why not with their biological parents, and you can create a fantasy world imagining that left him for being bad, or because it wanted. To prevent this from happening, parents may make the subject so that the child sees as natural. That will help to uncover their possible thoughts and fears.
know its origins
When adopted children reach adolescence, they begin to raise their existence, and have an unconditional necessity to seek their roots, to feel better about themselves. May have the feeling that something is missing. When the children want to know more about their origins, parents are obliged to tell everything they know. It is best to speak positively of their biological parents, and not hide in the event that these are living, the existence of them. This will be a time when parents must stay with their son. Do not think that wanting to know more about their roots or wanting to know their parents will stop loving them, but it is a necessity that will inevitably feel, and need to be satisfied.
Parents should be prepared for recriminations that his sons to them, they are part of the typical insecurities of adolescence. It is not uncommon for the child to take in the face of things as parents that if they had been able to have children he would not be there, or took him out of pity. It is important that even if they are questions that can be hard, the youth can be exposed, so you do not believe in its interior a soluble irregular conflict.
Always tell the truth are at stake The Right to Identity and Health and the Truth as needed to live fully.
Always tell the truth are at stake The Right to Identity and Health and the Truth as needed to live fully.
When there are more brothers
The existence of another brother is very positive, regardless of whether biological or adopted. In the event that the brother is biological, adopted child wonder things like why he is adopted and his brother. Sometimes you can even use this fact to get away with saying things such as: clear, give him this because it is your own son!, Although parents are treated equally.
If parents do not know how to tell their children that are adopted, the group therapy, psychologists, associations, ... to help them deal with the problem and see things more naturally.
Whenever we want to back to talk to him about it, and coping with the same warmth and naturalness that the first time. It should be clear that it was desired and chosen, that their presence has filled us with joy and happiness, the truth will be accepted by our son as normal.
Adult adoptees seeking their biological parents are often desperate who are already aware of large, those who are informed when children do not often feel the need.
The information I found online, is this practical guide that I liked and they can print at: http://www.postadopcion.org/pdfs/explicarNAIC1.pdf
And you, how you say? Or how would you say? your child the truth about its origin?
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